You ever completely surprise yourself? Until I wrote it down, I never really analyzed my life and actually sat down and FELT these dark feelings. They were only ever felt in short bursts, only to be quickly locked away in my vault.
The last post I wrote hit me HARD. And in the interest of full disclosure, I’ll say this:
9.26.09: I became 29 years old. This year was different, though. I was still very much processing what I had last written. I woke that day with sadness. That hasn’t happened on any other birthday of mine. I cried to my wife, explaining to her that, “I’m just sick of being sick.”
I’m wallowing. This is what I was afraid would happen. I don’t like wallowing. In the past, if I ever WAS stuck in a rut, I’d focus on what made me grateful. I think I have to do that again. At least for the next few posts. Time to cleanse the shit with some sunshine.