I think it’s important to begin this writing experiment by saying just how much I love life. The sky, the grass, the sea, cities, people, even junkyards. It is amazing. I know with every breath in my being that I want to be here as long as I can. What I hope to accomplish with this website is one very simple thing: a release. Of what, you ask? My darkness.
I am a childhood cancer survivor. I am also battle-worn. And I am ready to write about it.
I’m sure you know I like to smile alot. You’ve seen me laugh. You’ve seen me have fun. You’ve seen me brush things off. But you have only seen or heard the tiniest glimpses of my anger, fear, frustration, and despair. I plan on writing about the sad and hard times. You will read about much of the pain and darkness I have felt throughout the years. [Note: this was originally meant as a private site. I do realize now that it’s public, you may have never even met me.]
Please know that I do not intend to hold back. I will be vulgar, rude, and I will rage into this keyboard. I make no apologies, because my goal is honesty. And honestly, cancer, along with it’s devastating treatment, is NOT EASY. But also, please know that despite these dark things I write, this post was the first. Life IS beautiful. I will never disagree with that statement.
A great woman wrote this in her moments of darkness…
“…I thirst for you. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe my love for you: I thirst for you. I thirst to love and to be loved by you – that is how precious you are to me. I thirst for you. Come to me, and fill your heart and heal your wounds.
If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For me, there is no one any more important in the entire world than you. I thirst for you. Open to me, come to me, thirst for me, give me your life – and I will prove to you how important you are to my heart…” – I Thirst for You ”
“I thirst.” These words of Jesus spoken from the cross had a special meaning In the chapel of her Missionaries , these words appear in cut-out paper letters attached to the wall at the side of the tabernacle. Here Mother Teresa spent time in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament each day. Here she and the sisters gather in similar chapels around the world to pour themselves out as an offering of love before the Lord. Here the Lord filled their thirst and strengthened them for their witness of love in the Mass.” — “I thirst”
When I am hungry, send me someone to feed;
When I am thirsty, send me someone who needs a drink;
When I am cold, send me someone to warm;
When I am sad, send me someone to cheer;
When I need understanding, send me someone who needs mine;
When I need to be looked after, send me someone to care for;
When I think only of myself, draw my thoughts to another.
So let us pray as though everything depends on God,
and work as though God depends on us for everything.
‘I THIRST’ must remain a cry of mystery.
“…The One who created the seas needs a drink of water. Somehow we understand that Jesus Christ is very MAN as well as very God. He is forever committed to be one with YOU and with ME. He is forever one of US!
But ‘I THIRST’ is assurance of understanding at the throne. At
the heart of God is one who KNOWS what it is like to be human and to suffer — to be alone — to hurt — to weep — to thirst! When WE hurt, Jesus hurts! For He cares!” — Reflection on John 19:28
Thou, the great God Whom earth and heaven adore,
Thou dwellest a prisoner for me night and day;
And every hour I hear Thy voice implore:
” I thirst – I thirst – I thirst – for love alway!
I, too, Thy prisoner am I;
I, too, cry ever unto Thee
Thine own divine and tender cry:
“I thirst! Oh, let me die
Of love for Thee!”
For love of Thee I thirst! Fulfil my hope;
Augment in me Thine own celestial flame!
For love of Thee I thirst! Too scant earth’s scope.
The glorious Vision of Thy Face I claim!
— I Thirst for Love, Saint Therese of Lisieux
“This morning, with deep emotion, an unforgettable witness of a love made concrete and unceasing service to the poorest and most marginalized of our brethren. In the face of those in misery she recognized Jesus’ face, imploring from the Cross: ‘I am thirsty.’ And, with generous surrender of the self, she listened to that cry from the lips and hearts of the dying, of abandoned little ones, of men and women crushed by the weight of suffering and loneliness.” —
you are the fountain for which I thirst,
you are the Master whom I seek.
In your presence
I dare not claim to be without sin,
for you alone are the Holy One of God.
I open my heart to you in faith,
I confess my faults
and lay bare my hidden wounds.
In your love free me from my infirmities,
heal my sickness,
quench my thirst and give me peace.
“It is there in His Eucharist that He says to me: ‘I thirst, thirst for your love, your sacrifices, your sufferings. I thirst for your happiness, for it was to save you that I came into the world, that I suffered and died on the Cross, and in order to console and strengthen you I left you the Eucharist. So you have there all my life, all my tenderness.'”
I LOVE YOU AND I ADMIRE YOU
MY BELOVED SON